Testimony of Deb B.

 I came into this world as the second child, only daughter.  I was born to a single struggling mother and grew up very poor.  The lifestyle I knew was the one my mother painted for me to follow.  So as I got older, I mimicked it well, which resulted in a lot of hurt and self-destruction.

 I never knew my earthly father, nor ever had the opportunity to meet him.  However, my mother always knew how to hurt me, all she had to say was that I’m a product of a one-night stand.  So, really my story revolves around not having a daddy. 

 At sixteen I married my child hood sweetheart.  I thought I loved him, but really, does a 16 year old know what love is?  I knew I was too young to marry, but I saw it as an opportunity to get out of the life I was in.  This boy I was going to marry came from a nice Christian home.  It was the first time in my life I met someone who had a mother and a father who lived under the same roof, plus they had something that I was very drawn toward, a man named Jesus.  I was thrilled to be part of this family; to me it meant finally everything was going to be okay.  Little did I know what was coming ahead for me.

 By the time I was 19 I already had 2 babies, the most beautiful babies I’ve ever seen and my husband was a full-blown alcoholic.  My marriage became less and less of what a marriage should be.  The only thing evident within our lives was my husband having a love affair with alcohol and drugs.  We lost everything we had.  I had friends giving me food to feed my babies, we had eviction notices on a monthly basis, I watch vehicles get towed away forever, telephone, gas and electric turned off, and I couldn’t think about buying clothes or shoes for the kids.  I remember that I wasn’t allowed to go anywhere without checking in with him. Also, with the alcohol and drugs comes abuse in EVERY area of my being.   It was becoming a nightmare and I needed it to stop.   Finally, the night I became brave enough to leave he put a loaded gun to my face and said I wasn’t going anywhere, I don’t know where the inner strength came from, but I stood up to him for the first time and I remember telling him, if he was going to kill me to make sure I was dead because if I wasn’t don’t dare go to sleep.  Just like any other night, he went on a drinking binge and passed out.  I couldn’t believe what I had turned into?  All I knew was that I was on survivor mode and my babies deserved a better life than this.

 At the time I decided to end my marriage I was attending a bible believing church.  One day, during counseling, I was told by the pastor if I choose to leave my husband I’d leave him no choice, but to have me excommunicated from the church.  I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. How could a loving God be unloving?  I remember saying, that if God was that unloving, to kick me out of a church, while I was trying to survive and keep my babies safe, then who needs Him?  I not only came out of this marriage tore up, beat down, I also lost all faith in a God who claimed He loved me. Hey, my husband used to tell me how much he loved me too.  Who needs that kind of love?

 Several years went by, as did many relationships with men.  This was the lifestyle I grew up with and it’s really all I knew.  In reality, I just wanted to be loved. I know now that I was only hurting myself worse than what my ex had done.  I was such a mess.

 About 4 years later, 1990, a friend of mine invited me to a church in Lake Geneva.  I didn’t want to have anything to do with it, I was still bitter from my past experience, but she was persistent and finally I agreed to only attend the Christmas drama that was going on that year.   Wow, that night was the first time ever I heard the voice of God calling me.  I think I cried through the whole drama.  It was so touching to learn that Jesus was born to save the not only the world, but that He loved me so much that He wanted me too. He told me He never excommunicated me that only man did and that He loved me no matter what I’ve been doing or where I was in my life.  He just wanted to love me. He wanted me to trust Him to be my daddy.  I prayed the sinner’s prayer that night and at that moment the Holy Spirit became alive in me.

 After many years of attending the church I grew up and God’s grace become sufficient for me.  Healing waters were flowing down upon me daily and I was finally growing up to be the woman God had intended for me to be and I finally have a daddy, my heavenly Father.  I even started having the desire to be married again.  With a ton of prayers I knew someday I would be married again.  After 11 years of being single I met a very special man.  A loving man that any woman in her right mind would love to have in her life.  I met my husband, George.

 Of course having a home church I looked forward to get remarried at Mt. Zion.  But they didn’t see it the way I did.  We were told NO that they wouldn’t marry us and if I did choose to marry George I would have to step down from being on the worship team, which is one of my gifts/talents.  I couldn’t believe it; they wouldn’t marry us because they felt George was not the one for me.  It was happening all over again…why?  Before we met with the pastor of the church at that time, God had woken me up in the middle of the night and had me write down what He had to say to me.  Part of what He told me was that He is giving George to me and that it doesn’t matter what people say, think, or do I was to marry him.  At the time I didn’t quite understand why God would say this to me.  I never thought my church would deny this celebration that was prayed for.  I did marry George and yes, I stepped down from the worship team and after awhile I had to leave the church because of the pain and anger was too intense. We hopped around for nine years, never felt comfortable anywhere.  Then one day, God called us back to Mt. Zion.  Pastor Dave Adams was now the pastor of the church and he welcomed us with open arms and a heart FULL of the love Jesus.  He then turned us towards Bikers for Christ and we are now members.

  Since then our relationship with God has grown in ways that we would never have expected.  This year we celebrated our 11^th year of marriage and we’ve had the privilege to recently renew our vows at Mt. Zion Church.  It’s amazing what we have to endure sometimes in order to grow in our faith. It’s been a rough road, at times, but if I had to do it over again, I would.  Knowing that He is always there for me and that this is where my strength comes from, the King Most High!

Isaiah 40:31

 But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew

 their strength. They shall mount up with wings like eagles;

 they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.